Updated: Jan 13
Many people think it is difficult to create a lasting transformation in their lives. Yet some people seem to be able to always reinvent themselves. What is the secret?
Here are nine keys that I have discovered and used for myself and used to help others to create transformation in their lives:
Do not simply believe peoples stories, instead discover the truth. Everyone makes up their own version of the truth. It is their structure for explaining reality, but that does not make it so. Just because people think’s something is true, that thought alone does not make it true. Look deeper than the surface for the truth.
Do not just assume that your point of view is the truth- Especially, take that same advice and apply it to yourself. Just because you think something is true, does not mean that it is true either. For something to be true, there needs to be evidence that grounds it, or it simply needs to be obvious, like day or night are. Be skeptical at the conclusions you jump to right away.
Be curious with questions rather than quick with answers. A wise man once said to me, “Answers kill questions”. What he meant was do not stop asking questions with the first answer you get. Keep asking more questions that take your question deeper and help you understand more. Be very curious.
Be persistent with your questions and test your theories before you form an opinion. Being like the famous detectives, Sherlock Holmes or Columbo, is what you need to do to transform your yourself or help others to transform themselves. Gently push and probe and then observe what appears without prejudging anything. Let your natural curiosity lead the way.
Ask question about what must also be true for that to be true. This will reveal a depth of context. Facts about yourself and others do not exist alone. There is always a context that surrounds them, and there is always a cause that came before the fact and led to it. Seek to discover the contexts that make you who you are, and the causes that contribute to your understanding. The same goes for your questions about others and their motivations.
When breaking down a story, regardless of if It’s yours or someone else’s, analyze the conflict before you analyze the characters involved. Distinguish what is happened, or what has happened in a story from who it happened it. Getting to the truth is more like understanding a movie plot than it is about psychoanalyzing people. You when you grasp the context and the history of causes, you will understand the character that presents in in people, including yourself. That means that the same with your personal stories as well as the stories that others tell you. Understand the central conflicts of stories to before you make any assessments about our yourself and others.
Perturbate the world and observe the outcome. This is the source of the power to enact change and personal transformation. The world, which includes the people in the world, all react when stimulated. Do things to stimulate them and observe what happens. Ask questions, take actions, create challenges, prose problems. Anything, that causes a reaction you can observe will tell a lot about what is going on, and let you ask questions that take you closer to the truth about something.
Look for patterns and then be willing to alter or challenge them. When to do all this, you will see that patterns appear. Some of these are helpful patterns, but some of them are not helpful to you. Interrupt the patterns and observe what happens when you do. Realize that your story and the stories that other tell you can be revised and updated. This is good news.
Take risks where rewards are possible, and do not let fear stop you. Ok, so realize that if everything were known for certain, then nothing new would be possible. Take actions where you do not know what the outcome will be, and look at what happens. The results might surprise you. And sometimes, when things seem to go badly, a creative process will be unleashed when the truth is revealed. Trust that every action you take creates new causes that can create new futures.
Be willing to be transformed by what you learn. If you’re serious about transforming something about yourself, be already resolved in your mind to allow yourself to be transformed by what you learn. You came into the world that way as a baby, though not because you decided. It was your nature. You were born that way. In life you learned automatically, at first from birth, and then some of what you learned formed you to be as you are today. When that happened to you, you actually stopped learning for a time. To transform, be ready to be like a newborn and be willing to grow and develop. Be all in your game for transformation.
With practice in this method of practicing transformation anything is possible. You might need to talk some of this through with someone, even if you are that same someone. Or write what you find in a journal to capture what you have learned, and re-read it latter. Do it and see what you see.
© Copyright 2020 Robert Fertman, All Rights Reserved
Robert is a life coach who helps people create lasting transformation in their lives. He can be reached for questions or to request consultation at firstname.lastname@example.org.